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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29581764">I thought that you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Francine2869/pseuds/Francine2869'>Francine2869</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Never have to ask myself what if... [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sen Çal Kapımı (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:02:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,014</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29581764</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Francine2869/pseuds/Francine2869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Serkan questions Eda's judgement + one time he didn't.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Serkan Bolat/Eda Yildiz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Never have to ask myself what if... [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2136675</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I thought that you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title is taken from "Insensitive" by Jann Arden.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Five Times Serkan Questions Eda's Judgement </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>(and one time he didn't) </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>~ 1 ~ </strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Engin's working through his presentation and Serkan glances at his watch again. They're half an hour into this meeting with an important client and Eda <em>still</em> hasn't arrived.</p>
<p>When Eda finally waltzes in ten minutes later she doesn't offer an explanation and barely an apology before taking her seat.</p>
<p>Serkan clenches his jaw and begrudgingly admires her landscape designs when the client gushes over them.</p>
<p>They talk for a little longer before Serkan walks them out, promising an update as soon as they can implement the changes the client requested.</p>
<p>When he gets back to his desk Eda's the only one left in the room, looking at her laptop.</p>
<p>"If you can't be bothered to be at the meeting on time don't bother coming at all."</p>
<p>She gives him a look but doesn't say anything before turning her attention back to her screen.</p>
<p>He doesn't know why he's surprised - she may have put on a brave face at the beginning but her true colors are starting to show and the truth is she's not ready to run a company and he needs to start taking over her clients.</p>
<p>It's a couple hours later when he decides to stretch his legs and grab a cup of coffee. He overhears part of a conversation between Piril and Selin as he enters so he stops short a few steps into the room.</p>
<p>"Honestly - thank goodness Eda was there or I might have cracked my head open on the stairs."</p>
<p>"I don't think it would have been quite so serious," Selin tuts.</p>
<p>Serkan's a little unnerved at how blasé she seems to be about Piril's well being.</p>
<p>"Really Selin. I stood up suddenly and the room started spinning and everything went grey - Eda caught me and helped me to lay down on the couch. She got me some juice and had Leyla order me lunch."</p>
<p>Selin just hums and sips her coffee.</p>
<p>"<em>And</em>," Piril continues, "She agreed not to tell Engin right away so I had a chance to talk to my doctor first. When I told Engin later he couldn't overreact and hover over me all day."</p>
<p>Serkan forgets about his coffee and makes his way back to the office. Eda's sitting with one of their furniture designers and he tells himself he'll apologize later when she comes back to their office. When she does come back he's on a call with a client and the rest of the afternoon gets away from him. He remembers later that night and resolves to give her the benefit of the doubt from now on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>~ 2 ~ </strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Seriously? An American company has decided they want to launch their first business venture in Turkey and they were lucky to get a meeting. Turns out the representative was a fan of Chef Alexander's and during her first meal he had mentioned his girlfriend and her niece before talk turned to their flower shop and Eda's work as a landscape designer for one of the top architecture companies in Turkey.</p>
<p>Only Serkan and Eda have just arrived at the hotel and she's refusing to get into the elevator.</p>
<p>"What's the problem now?"</p>
<p>Eda looks at the elevator for a moment and when she looks back at him her eyes are shiny with tears.</p>
<p>"Of course you won't remember but - I have an issue with small spaces."</p>
<p>"An issue like what - you don't like them?"</p>
<p>"More like I'll probably pass out if I go in there."</p>
<p>Serkan clenches his jaw. </p>
<p>"That would have been nice to know <em>before</em> I booked this meeting in a restaurant on the 25th floor."</p>
<p>"I would have <em>told</em> you if <em>you</em> had told <em>me</em> that you'd changed the meeting. As far as I knew we had at most a half hour to meet with Ms. Chan in the lobby before she left to catch her flight."</p>
<p>"Hence why I offered to meet her for lunch and give us more time to make a good impression."</p>
<p>She is right though - he hadn't bothered to share that information until they'd walked into the hotel.</p>
<p>He would take the meeting on his own, is the thing. He'd love to leave his current partner to her own devices while he meets with the American rep for a pleasant, <em>professional</em> consultation. But she'd <em>specifically asked</em> for Eda. The business they were looking into wanted eco-friendly construction with native plants so Serkan needed Eda to even compete for the deal.</p>
<p>He looks at his watch - they have a few extra moments, barely.</p>
<p>"Well what are we supposed to do then?"</p>
<p>He know he sounds impatient but she's starting to get under his skin again and this meeting was the first time in a few days he'd actually been excited about <em>work</em> again, felt like the earth was stable under his feet.</p>
<p>Eda looks at the elevator again and sighs. "Fine. Let's go."</p>
<p>"Really? You <em>just</em> told me that you'll pass out."</p>
<p>"Yeah, well, you can hold me up."</p>
<p>With that she turns to push the button and he watches her spine straighten and her fists clench at her sids. In a few seconds the elevator doors open. Serkan steps onto the platform and turns around. Eda seems frozen in place.</p>
<p>He has to stop the doors closing and she still hasn't moved.</p>
<p>"Eda!"</p>
<p>She physically starts before stepping into the car beside him.</p>
<p>Serkan shakes his head before pushing the topmost button and the doors close.</p>
<p>In the first few floors he can hear Eda taking deep breaths beside him. Her fingernails tap against the leather briefcase she carries.</p>
<p>The next couple floors she shuffles her feet and coughs.</p>
<p>Serkan takes out his phone to answer a text from Piril. She has a question about a design spec he'd sent her early this morning. For some reason he'd woken with the idea for a bookcase design that he wanted to implement in a new development they were working on. He knows a little about furniture design and function but he usually leaves that part of the business to Piril and others. He can't explain why the urge to contribute came now but he feels like it's something he needs to complete.</p>
<p>He's typing when he feels Eda's hand brush past his elbow and latch onto his forearm. He looks over to see her gone alarmingly pale except for two bright red spots on her cheeks. There's beads of sweat on her forehead and her eyes are closed so tight her forehead is wrinkling.</p>
<p>"Eda? Are you alright?"</p>
<p>The minute he says it he knows it's a stupid question. She'd just said that she didn't like small spaces and would likely faint. He insisted and the woman is so stubborn <em>of course</em> she'd put herself in harm's way rather than let him go without her.</p>
<p>"Just - just shut up for a moment," she manages, breathless.</p>
<p>He puts his phone back in his jacket pocket and watches as the floor numbers are lit: 19, 20, 21.</p>
<p>He has a sudden, quicksilver flash of being in this same elevator, and he's left with the imprint of holding Eda close, her head nestled into his neck. He can't say how he knows but he <em>knows</em> that it's Eda he's holding.</p>
<p>A bell rings and the doors open in front of them. Eda stumbles out immediately into the foyer. Serkan's flash (his <em>memory</em>, he tells himself reluctantly) delays him a second so when he steps out Eda's a few steps away and she's got one hand braced against the wall, her other hand on her stomach as she gulps in breaths.</p>
<p>Serkan doesn't know what to do or say. He puts a hand on her back and she flinches away, straightening and tugging at her clothes.</p>
<p>She looks searchingly at him before sighing and making her way toward the kitchen doors. She knocks and tells the waitress that appears they're there to see the Chef.</p>
<p>Alexander steps out a moment later, followed by Ayfer Hanim. (Serkan hasn't really met the woman, only heard about her from Selin and seen her in passing since he's been back so he doesn't know how she feels about all of this).</p>
<p>At the moment she seems shocked to see her niece.</p>
<p>"<em>Eda?!</em>"</p>
<p>She wipes a hand over Eda's brow.</p>
<p>"My dear what are you doing here? <em>How</em> did you -"</p>
<p>"Hala," Eda interrupts. "I'm fine. Don't worry."</p>
<p>Ayfer's eyes narrow as she takes a step towards Serkan.</p>
<p>"This is all <em>your</em> fault isn't it! You <em>made</em> her -"</p>
<p>"Hala!"</p>
<p>Serkan looks at Alexander beside him, wondering if he knows what's going on. The other man looks just as confused and they don't have time to ask questions as Alexander waves to someone over Serkan's shoulder and hails her as Ms. Chan.</p>
<p>The meeting ends up going well. Serkan has to admit that Eda is good with people. She and Ms. Chan connect over orchid care of all things and they both decide to order the dessert special. Serkan considers trying it to be polite to the Chef but turns out it contains strawberries so he sits with his cup of coffee while they enjoy.</p>
<p>He offers to walk Ms. Chan out but she declines, needs to collect her bags before she heads to the airport so they say goodbye and she leaves them at the table. Eda mentions she's going to say goodbye to her Aunt and leaves as well. Serkan gathers the last of the paperwork on the table and answers a few emails on his phone.</p>
<p>After a few minutes he looks over to see Eda and Ayfer having an intense discussion near the bar. Eda catches his glance and presses her aunt's arm as she makes her way back.</p>
<p>"You go ahead, I'm going to stay behind for a bit."</p>
<p>"Fine. Make sure you have that landscape report to me by the end of the day. I want to send the entire proposal to Ms. Chan by end of business in America."</p>
<p>"Alright."</p>
<p>They're silent for a moment before Serkan gestures awkwardly toward the bank of elevators.</p>
<p>"I guess I'll go then."</p>
<p>Eda nods as she looks at him. She seems sad and he wants to know why.</p>
<p>"Goodbye Serkan Bey."</p>
<p>He wants to say something to put a smile back on her face but she turns away and heads back to her Aunt. He leaves and the drive back to the office is strangely quiet.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>~ 3 ~ </strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Serkan is s just back from a meeting, looking through a stack of messages and he shouts for Leyla.</p>
<p>She doesn't appear and he yells again, looking out into the office.</p>
<p>He stalks out to the desks and asks the first person he sees - Susan.</p>
<p>"Where is Leyla?"</p>
<p>Susan points to the kitchen without saying a word.</p>
<p>Leila's pouring water into a teapot when he finds her.</p>
<p>"Leyla!" Her head shoots up and she sets down the kettle.</p>
<p>"Serkan Bey?"</p>
<p>"What are you doing? Why aren't you in my office?"</p>
<p>"Eda asked for tea for -"</p>
<p>"You're not <em>Eda's</em> assistant, you're <em>mine</em> so I expect you to come when I call you. Got it?"</p>
<p>She nods nervously and wrings her hands.</p>
<p>"But Fikret Bey asked -"</p>
<p>"Fikret Bey is here? Why didn't you tell me? Why isn't out meeting on our schedule?"</p>
<p>Leyla sputters, trying to answer everything at once.</p>
<p>"Nevermind," Serkan waves away her attempts. "Where is he?"</p>
<p>"The - the office upstairs," Leyla manages.</p>
<p>Serkan huffs as he makes his way through the office and up the stairs. He's cursing Eda under his breath as he goes, how dare she take a meeting with one of their most important clients without informing him. What's she trying to do?</p>
<p>He's so worked up that he doesn't even think of knocking and bursts through the door, ready to lay all the blame at Eda's feet for being late when he takes in what he's seeing.</p>
<p>Eda and Fikret Bey have their arms around each other as they sit side by side on the couch. His head is on her shoulder with his eyes shut and Serkan can't see Eda's face as she's turned away from him.</p>
<p>He's speechless for a moment, his jaw clenching and his hands fisting with an intense anger that he can't explain.</p>
<p>"Sorry to intrude," he finally bites out. "I'll leave the two of you alone."</p>
<p>He ignores Eda's call for him to wait and controls his urge to slam the door on his way out.</p>
<p>In the time it takes him to get back to his office the red mist is just starting to clear from his view and his hands are still clenched at his sides. What is she thinking?! Trying to seduce a client, a married man no less!</p>
<p>Serkan paces behind his office chair and bellows for Leyla.</p>
<p>She rushes in seconds later and stands ready for instruction.</p>
<p>"I want to see every file related to Fikret Bey's current projects and anything from the past year."</p>
<p>"Tamam Serkan Bey."</p>
<p>She rushes out again and he takes a seat, rolling his shoulders and shifting items on his desk.</p>
<p>He barely notices when Selin walks in until she puts a hand on his shoulder. He shrugs off her touch without thinking.</p>
<p>"Sevgilim? What's wrong?"</p>
<p>He doesn't even get a word out before Eda enters the room, followed by Fikret Bey.</p>
<p>Serkan doesn't know what to say, what to do. Selin looks back at him quickly before stepping forward and extending a hand to the older man.</p>
<p>"Fikret Bey, welcome."</p>
<p>"Thank you."</p>
<p>She presses his hand between both of hers.</p>
<p>"I was so sorry to hear about your wife. She was a lovely woman."</p>
<p>Serkan eyes widen and he looks to Eda while Fikret Bey lowers his head and clears his throat.</p>
<p>"Thank you Selin Hanim." Selin nods, glancing unsubtly back at him. Serkan steps up quickly and offers his condolences, the dots connecting in his head. When he looks at Eda a few moments later the disappointment in her eyes is well deserved and he doesn't know what he can say to explain his reaction to seeing what he now knows was her offering comfort to an obviously still grieving widow.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>~ 4 ~ </strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>For once it's silence that alerts him something is up.</p>
<p>Serkan has lifted his head from studying a spreadsheet in the middle of a friday afternoon to find that the office has gone eerily quiet.</p>
<p>He looks out his office door and can only see a few of his employees at their desks - where the devil is everyone?</p>
<p>"Leyla!" She bustles in quickly and waits for his instruction.</p>
<p>"Where is everyone?"</p>
<p>"Oh," she perks up with a smile, "most of the office volunteered to help Eda Hanim with her special project."</p>
<p>Serkan frowns in response to Leyla's smile.</p>
<p>"Special project?"</p>
<p>"Oh yes Serkan Bey. Eda Hanim asked if anyone wanted help her with the gardens at - "</p>
<p>"Call Eda Hanim," Serkan directs, cutting off what's sure to be a long and unhelpful explanation. He wants to hear from the woman herself why she's decided to abscond with their company's workforce.</p>
<p>Leyla holds out his phone and Serkan can see Eda on the screen looking back at him.</p>
<p>"Evet Serkan Bey?"</p>
<p>She's wearing a t-shirt with her hair pulled up into a plain ponytail. There's a smudge of dirt on her chin and her nose glows red with the start of a sunburn.</p>
<p>"Eda Hanim. Can you tell me why most of my employees are missing from my office?"</p>
<p>She smiles wryly. "I wondered when you might notice."</p>
<p>"What is that supposed to mean?"</p>
<p>She just shakes her head with a smile.</p>
<p>"Let me show you."</p>
<p>The camera suddenly switches and pans over a green area spotted with flowers and people. Some of them are working in gardens spotted throughout and some are setting up portable event tents. Still others are weaving what look like fairy lights through a few large trees on the property.</p>
<p>"And this is happening on company time <em>because</em>...?"</p>
<p>The camera switches back to Eda and - she's stunning. The sun is streaming behind her and she's let her hair down. The dark strands flutter in the breeze and her eyes are... Serkan can't look away. Her lips are still moving but there's a buzzing in his head and he gets a flash of dark hair blowing in the wind with his hand running through it. He can feel the silkiness, the warmth as it wraps around and through his fingers.</p>
<p>He notices a strange look on Eda's face and realizes she's stopped talking. He has no idea what she's said so he reverts to the annoyance he started out with.</p>
<p>"I have a call coming in but we'll talk about this later Eda Hanim."</p>
<p>He hangs up without waiting for an answer and puts a hand to his heart that is suddenly pounding in his chest.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>~ 5 ~</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Serkan is only stopping by the office to pick up some paperwork before he heads out to a job site to meet with a new client. His mind is on the contract modifications he wants to talk through with them and he's barely listening to Leyla as he moves quickly through the office.</p>
<p>"I want to see the ad agency proposals for the condo project when I get back," he directs, "and tell Susan that I want her to draw up a supplies list for the O'Neil job. I want to know exactly what's going on over there."</p>
<p>"Tamam Serkan Bey but -"</p>
<p>He's almost back at the door again when Eda walks through it.</p>
<p>"Ah, Eda Hanim. Are you ready for the site visit?"</p>
<p>He checks his watch, noting that she's actually early for once.</p>
<p>"Actually Serkan Bey I've already been there and back," she states as she takes off her coat.</p>
<p>Serkan tries not to notice how the soft cloth of her sweater conforms to her curves. He channels his nervous energy into feeling personally affronted.</p>
<p>"Pardon? Why?"</p>
<p>Eda sighs and takes a file out of her bag and hands it to him.</p>
<p>"Deren Hanim had to catch an earlier flight back to Germany this morning so she asked us to come a few hours earlier."</p>
<p>"And why wasn't I informed?"</p>
<p>"I tried to call you last night," Eda explains in an even tone, "I couldn't get through but I did leave you a voicemail."</p>
<p>Serkan suddenly remembers rejecting her call while at dinner with Selin. His fiancé hadn't said anything but the look of disapproval on her face was enough to have him declining the call. He'd figured whatever Eda wanted could wait until the next day.</p>
<p>"Why didn't you inform Leyla to change my schedule?"</p>
<p>"I did," Eda states.</p>
<p>They both look to the woman waiting impatiently beside Serkan.</p>
<p>"I was trying to tell you," she admits.</p>
<p>He shakes his head and huffs as he looks at the file she's handed him. There's neat handwritten notes in the margins of a copy of the contract and an itemized list of the changes that he'd mentioned wanting to make in a discussion yesterday.</p>
<p>"Derin Hanim agreed to almost of the changes you requested. She's going to review some of the finishing costs with her partner and get back to us tomorrow."</p>
<p>Serkan doesn't know what to say. Eda's covered every detail, listed every point he wanted to make. He wants to find something wrong, something to criticize but nothing obvious jumps out at him.</p>
<p>"Well," he clears his throat, "you should have tried harder to get ahold of me."</p>
<p>Eda sighs and shifts her coat to her other arm as she stares him down, her big brown eyes burning through him.</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>"Yes, really."</p>
<p>Neither of them move for a moment and then Eda shrugs and looks over her shoulder as the door opens and a few employees come through. They notice Eda and Serkan and one mumbles something to the other one as they walk by their employers.</p>
<p>Eda looks back at him with vacant eyes and resignedly agrees.</p>
<p>"Tamam Serkan Bey. Whatever you want."</p>
<p>She brushes by him without another word. Serkan has to stop himself from turning to watch her walk away. His chest aches and he rubs at his sternum.</p>
<p>"Serkan Bey?"</p>
<p>He hands Leyla the file.</p>
<p>"Put this on my desk. I'm going out."</p>
<p>He needs to get some air, some perspective on how to keep working with this strange woman when she confuses him at every turn.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>~ +1 ~ </strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Serkan rolls the warm metal through his fingers, noticing the unique details in the beautiful ring. He wants to know its story. He feels like this particular item could tell him a lot about what's happened in the year he lost, if only it could speak. </p>
<p>Eda could have thrown it at him and he would have understood. Even if she didn't already seem like the aggressive type, proposing to another woman when he'd supposedly been ready to marry her a couple months ago would have upset any woman. But she'd placed it down beside him with a few words and walked away.</p>
<p>Since then he hasn't taken it out of the wooden box he'd put it in to keep it safe. Today, after the surprise announcement that she'd accepted a proposal from <em>Deniz Bey</em> (he doesn't know why he's annoyed about that, he should be happy she's moving on) he wanted to look at it, to see if it brought back any sliver of memory about their own engagement, fake or otherwise.</p>
<p>Selin's made a few vague comments about getting rid of it, selling it. Serkan pretends he doesn't hear her. Doesn't know how to tell her that the ring feels important to him.</p>
<p>He stops by his family's jeweler one day while he's out for a meeting. He hasn't asked Leyla to help him with this or mentioned it to Selin. This is something he needs to do, needs to understand on his own.</p>
<p>The jeweler welcomes him and agrees readily to tell Serkan more about the ring.</p>
<p>"It's not often I see such a modest woman. Eda Hanim didn't want anything too big. In fact it was <em>you</em> that asked to see the more opulent rings."</p>
<p>Serkan doesn't put much stock in his story as he knows they were fake engaged when they picked out the ring, there was no love involved. He can see wanting the largest ring possible if their goal was to rub it in Selin's face and make her jealous.</p>
<p>He mentions returning it and the jeweler frowns but recovers quickly. He offers the option of repurposing the stones in another way if Serkan no longer wants them as a ring.</p>
<p>The jeweler mentions a bracelet, a broach, a necklace. Serkan's mind flashes to the rosy stones against fair skin, a simple chain elongating a slim neck. He agrees and directs the craftsman to transform as he sees fit as long as the resulting piece of jewelry is simple and tasteful.</p>
<p>He picks it up the next day and carries it in his pocket. A couple of times he takes it out and runs the chain through his fingers, opening the top of the wooden box to put it away but something tells him to put it back in his pocket.</p>
<p>He has this feeling that he's going to need it, that he's just waiting for the right time.</p>
<p>A few nights later when he and Eda are waiting for their respective fiancées on the boat deck he pulls it out of his pocket and shows it to her. Her face is unreadable for a moment as he explains.</p>
<p>He doesn't want to make it seem like he has any connection to the piece so he leaves it up to her if she wants it or not. She takes it in her small hand and he can see the tears gathering in her eyes.</p>
<p>Later as he watches the stars reflect on the water he finds himself feeling the phantom weight of a ring on his own hand.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong> ~*~</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Phew. I was almost ready to post this when Chrome crashed and restored with only half of what I'd written. But I wanted to get it out before today's episode so hopefully second time is a charm in this case! Cheers to everyone - I hope episode 32 is good to all of us :-)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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